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2012-366 Day 117 – Aggression

The weather today is very reflective of my mood, that is to say I feel aggressive, cool, and tinged with a bit of darkness. I’m not entirely certain of the cause of this feeling, though I do know I am grateful that I have Karate tonight to work some of it out.

I get this way occasionally, possessed by some sort of energy that sets me a bit on edge. I’ll admit that this is when I drive the worst, more ready to see the flaws in others and more protective of my space. It rarely manifests in any direct way, more like an aura that pushes everything up to 11. This is the state I generally find myself in before big games, usually playoff games or end of the season, and, if I harness it correctly, I can help feed my performance. It does, however, leave me more susceptible to a let down, and if something doesn’t go well early it could be more damaging than good.

Now that I think about it, the last time I felt this way was our final soccer game this Sunday. When things started going wrong in the first half, they snowballed and I allowed seven points. A quick reset and refocusing of energy, and I only allowed two points in the second half. I can’t really describe the feeling, aggression is certainly a stab at it, but I almost would have to say that it’s a buzz of determination. It is best when I have something to focus that determination on, but there are times, like now, where I don’t have a ready outlet and it seems to add a near vibration to my existence in my seat.

I’m not sure that anyone else feels this way (I have to imagine I am not unique in this), although I do have to wonder how others deal with it. I’ll probably also throw a run in tonight (time permitting), just to dissipate it a bit more.

Weight: 231 Loss: 9 lbs – Running Yearly Mileage: 127 miles
Fitocracy Level: 19 (43119 points, 2231 to next level) – ID: disciplev1

Posted in Matt 2012-366, Matt General. Tagged with , , , , , .

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  1. mom said

    Mom here…I recognize this on you. The best term I could give it would be anxiety. You’re on edge and hopping, but you’re pulled in.

    When I’m anxious and can’t settle down, I find it helps to do little things very deliberately. For me, I neaten. Put …away …shoes. Put …dish… in …dishwasher. If I slow way down, it helps to counter the ramping up.

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